I was looking to you for my peace and my solace. Not understanding exactly why. You had become my drug, my addiction without me even recognizing it. That feeling of freedom and relief that all my problems and issues disappeared. You became a temporary fix for a problem that needs and permanent solution. Temporarily you fullfilled what I needed and just like a drug I began to need more and more to ease the pain and the hurt inside. You could not give me what I truly needed because I had it all along. It was inside of me the entire time and I knew it was there yet I made a choice not to tap into it.
Now I have clarity, at least for this moment in time. Everything I need is inside of me. It’s called the Holy Spirit. He resides in me all I need to do is let him handle every issue that arises daily. Inside of me is everything I need. No longer will I have to call you when I’m feeling down. I recognize I will have some bad days, because we all do, but I will not have to burden you with those days and those troubles. I forgot the power of the Holy Spirit now that my memory has been refreshed I will vast in His glory.
I allowed you to become that crutch for me. I allowed you to become my drug of choice. I allowed myself to believe that you could fix those things that ail me. I believed that if I could just talk to you, you would know exactly what to say to make everything better and you did. I allowed myself to believe those things you said would mend the fences and they did until the next time the issue arose. I chased a feeling that I never had before. You opened up a world that I had never seen and tapped into feelings I had never felt. So, I thank you for being what I needed at that moment and I will always need you in some way but today I have made yet another decision.
From this point on I choose to let the Holy Spirit lead me. I don’t know where I am headed but I know that as long as He is with me I will be victorious. I have decided to stop looking back at past mistakes, hurts and hang ups. I choose to live my best life now. I choose to be who I have been created to be. No longer will I allow the simple things to deter my day or may happiness. I am going to be a positive dog. I have realized that situations seldom change but what does change is how we decide to view each situation. I have decided to change my view. I am standing on faith that changing my outlook will change my outcome.